Be Kind to Yourself

"At the center of your being you have the answer;
you know who you are and you know what you want."
-- Lao Tzu

I recently heard word from happiness and depression studies that I have reached the bottoming-out, "ground zero" part of my life in which my lifetime happiness levels are expected by scientists in the United States and the United Kingdom to be at the lowest levels I will ever experience, since middle-aged 44 year-olds are being found to feel more unhappy and depressed in their forties than at any other time in their lives. While it is true that hormonal changes in midlife are presenting me with tremendous challenges to deal with in the form of tendencies toward anxiety, depression, and despair... I overcome the invitation into negative emotions through a combination of diet, exercise, meditation, prayer and energy work.

Thinking about the times you've been happiest and most upset, have you noticed a link between your happiness and how kind to yourself you were being in that moment? Chances are pretty good that your happiest times in life, and also the times when others most enjoy your company are times when you have been doing a fairly good job of keeping your needs and wishes central in your life.

This point came home to me very clearly when watching local news stories, and seeing how some people can create either tremendous pain or joy around them... entirely because they are either being kind or cruel to themselves. Kindness to oneself is something that becomes possible when one asks oneself the question my mother used to ask me when I was growing up:

What would make you truly happy?


I love this question, because it suggests that rather than dwelling on what must be done, or what has gone wrong, or what isn't here... there is something we can enjoy having or doing that will bring us tremendous happiness. Thanks to having learned to ask myself this question early in life, these past few months I've been having fun learning to do new things, as new activities and interests have recently become very appealing to me. I have been learning to quilt, play piano, play violin, ride a unicycle, and write screenplays... and generally having a wonderful time as I come up the learning curve from absolute beginner in each of these activities! I also find I am happiest when I do what needs to be done, rather than procrastinate, as I am feeling best when I am not worried about things that ought to be taken care of but are still hanging in limbo.

There are many advantages to being kind to oneself, not the least of which is the tendency for good things to tend to happen when one is feeling good. Pulling yourself up by the emotional bootstraps is something that may seem like putting the cart before the horse, but scientists are consistently showing that unless we put happiness first, we will not necessarily achieve it. Princeton university researchers have dispelled the myth that people who have the most money are consistently happier... as it turns out that unless people who become wealthy have first learned how to be happy, money in and of itself will not bring happiness to them. The researchers noted that, "People with above-average income are relatively satisfied with their lives but are barely happier than others in moment-to-moment experience, tend to be more tense, and do not spend more time in particularly enjoyable activities."

The good news here is that its never too late to have a happy childhood... we can start asking ourselves the question, "What would make me truly happy?", and start taking some action toward being a little bit kinder with ourselves.

Wishing you may discover how good your life can get,
Cynthia Sue Larson
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You can read more articles by Cynthia Sue Larson and subscribe to her free ezine, RealityShifters News, at
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http://realityshifters.com/pages/archives/jan08.ht ml